Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Suppressed Feelings


I thought I’d miss them
but I just felt relieved that I didn’t have to deal with them
I’m tired of being insulted and ignored
I thought we were friends
but it has been over a year and there has been no response to my overtures
I’m tired of stressful relationships
I’m tired of trying to please unpleaseable people

I’m tired of our talents and resources being used
 to achieve other people’s goals
I’m tired of seeing our retirement money being consumed by a business
which has never given us any return
I’m tired of my husband working to support other’s comfortable lifestyle
I’m tired of living frugally so others can enjoy luxuries we can’t
I’m tired of giving all our extra time, energies, and resources to people who just use us
I’m tired of exhausting myself to provide unappreciated
and unneeded help to others
I’m tired of supporting people who need to stand on their own feet
I want to step back and allow our grown children
to solve their own problems
I’m tired of waiting for a turn which never comes.

I want to have time to write and study
I want to rest when I am tired
I want to spend time with my husband and do enjoyable things together
I want to achieve our business goals
I want my home to be clean
I want the dirt, mold, termites, ant, spiders and mouse nests out of downstairs
I want things that give me pleasure now instead of having to wait years for them to air out
I want to feel better
I’m tired of taking risks with my health because someone wants something
then being ill for months of even years

I want to enjoy just being me
I want my home to reflect who I am
I want lavender walls and white floor tiles in my basement
instead of depressing old dark paneling and a dirty green painted floor
I want exhaust fans downstair so I can have people visit me
without having to suffer days of illness afterward
I’m tired of waiting weeks, months, and years for some small repair
to be done

I’m tired of waiting and waiting and coming last
I’m tired of suppressing who I really am and allowing others to use me
I’m tired of putting other’s selfish wishes before my basic needs
I’m tired of being tired, of not achieving my goals, of not nurturing myself, of not developing my talents, of being stressed, ill
and of suppressing my feelings




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