All That Really Matters

By Cheryl Merrick

Though I can no longer hike,
I have fun on my electric bike.

Though I can no longer sing or dance,

I am still enchanted by music.

Though my eyes tire quickly,

the words others read to me

nourish my soul.

Though I do not have the energy to travel,

I enjoy our home area and others' trips.

Though I exhaust quickly with household chores,

I delight in the time I have to create.

Though I stumble in this world of reality,

I soar in the realm of imagination.

What I choose

Do I value
the popular and conventional

or the uniquely beautiful?

Do I follow social customs

or true principles?

Am I content to stay as I am

or do I have a drive to reach higher?

Do I believe that "it can't be done"

or that "the impossible only 

takes a little longer"?

Succumbing to the Expected

by Cheryl Merrick

Accepting both my doom and my duty,

I plodded through my day

doing what is expected of me.

Diligently trying to meet

others mundane needs and wants,

I unwisely accepted the judgement 

that while their gifts are useful

mine are merely frivolous.

This is how, conceding to the expected,

my sparkling creative light

was carefully hidden and nearly forgotten

under a smothering, dark basket.

I wrote this in December of 2019, but never posted it. Since then, I have continued to largely suppress my creative talents allowing endless details to consume my time and energies, so I posted this now to remind me to change my ways. 

Lessons to Learn

by Cheryl Merrick

Once again, I'm sitting here 

exhausted, sad, and frustrated.

My body's reserves gone,

I wonder how I can 

avoid "crashing" again.

What must I change?

What lessons do I need to learn?

Why do I push myself?

My Life as a Kitchen Implement

by Cheryl Merrick

Trying to find my place

    in the kitchen,

I tried whipping and stirring --

    pathic, and it took forever!

I tried rolling out dough --

    another dismal failure.

I wasn't too bad at making

    holes in pastry crust,

Restricted or Nurtured?

by Cheryl Merrick

Feeling restricted 
and concluding that my dreams
were being frustrated,
I begged to be freed.

If only I could get out more
and do the things
"normal" people do,
Then I would be happy.

Years passed
as I quietly sat in my home
longing to be out,
but occasionally,
when I'd be "out and about"
for a few days, 
all I'd feel was an intense longing
to be still and rest.

Turning on My Light

by Cheryl Merrick

Long have I existed,

conforming to the pull

for momentary harmony,

mirroring back to others

what they wanted to see.

Dejected, I sulked

in this semi-darkness

longing for understanding

and for the approval 

to share my light.

Finally, recognizing that

darkness can not 

comprehend the light,

I resolve to be 

who I am and bravely

turn on My Light.

Being Healed

By Cheryl Merrick

For years I pled
to immediately be healed.
When it didn't happen,
I resignedly accepted
my "learning experiences"
and wearily plodded through life.

Now, after nearly 50 years
of unhappily bemoaning
my burden of "poor health", 
I'm grateful that my requests
for the strength to perform
endless homemaking details
were not granted.

Comparing Apples to Oranges

by Cheryl Merrick
As the oranges declare
that having a thick skin
is the most practical way to be,
I despair aware of my own thin skin.

The bounce competition was a nightmare.
Not only did it not make me juicer,
but instead left me badly bruised.

This Year I'll Be Me

by Cheryl Merrick

Many years ago 
when my children were young, 
I loved being a mom/teacher.
I loved sharing new ideas 
with my children
and watching them develop
their special talents.

What I did not enjoy was 
all the innumerable details.
Though the kids helped,
I often felt overwhelmed
and depressed by all the
places to go, details to remember,
food to cook, clothes to wash,
and things to clean.

The Enigma

by Cheryl Merrick

Some step back from me
     fearfully keeping a "safe" distance
     from such a "mysterious" person.

Some find me amusingly eccentric,
     while others see my unconventional ways
     as aberrations which need correcting.

I'm Here At Last!

by Cheryl Merrick
Though, it has taken six months; 
the fog has finally lifted.
The constant, crushing fatigue is abating.
No longer am I stumbling around:
dopy, confused, and jittery.

Relishing the ability to think, 
 remember, see, and move; 
 I care for myself.
Hopeful that my hard earned
 ability to make competent decisions
 will ensure continued health;
 I face each day. 

Boundaries

by Cheryl Merrick
Boundaries quietly
define who I am:
What I like
and what I don't;
What I can do
and the things I can't;
What tires me
and what energizes me;
What drains me
and what fulfills me.

Boundaries
garner my time
and energies,
and allow relationships
to deepen,
as they provide stillness
to restore my soul.

Simple Lessons

by Cheryl Merrick
Some lessons are simple:
"You can't take more
out of a bucket,
than you put into it",
and "You can't reap what 
you have not sown."

Logically I understand,
but when it comes to
patiently and slowly
filling my bucket,
or carefully sowing
and nurturing my field,
my understanding vanishes.

Making a Choice

by Cheryl Merrick
The decision is logical.
Like using your "other" hand,
using your weakest ability
quickly generates stress.

I know this well
for I have frequently suppressed
my strongest ability.
Fearing social disapproval
and not wanting to disappoint those I love,  
rather than developing the talents God has given me,
I chose instead do what others expected of me. 
Of course, it doesn't take long 
before I collapse in exhaustion. 

Carrying Capacity

by Cheryl Merrick
After five days in a small trailer
with no laundry or dishes to do,
or house to clean, 
I relax.

Though glad to be home again,
I'm suddenly overwhelmed.
There is so much to do! 
Must I do everything?
Can I remain relaxed?
No, my headache, tight neck, 
aching jaw, and upset stomach 
declare I can't!

Determined

by Cheryl Merrick

I am determined 
to accomplish my mission in life,
to magnify my gifts,
to live each day happy and fulfilled,
to be a righteous example
to influence others for good. 

Just

by Cheryl Merrick
I know that it must be.
I know that I must change.
Yes, it is logical.
Yes, it is necessary
     for my health.
But how can I spend my time
     "just" thinking?
What have I to show for my day?
Where is my accomplishment?
What have I created?
Just me.

Mainstay

by Cheryl Merrick
Doing the unthinkable, 
I begin a new life.
My creation of ideas, 
poems, and articles,
once restricted 
to late nights and hours
when I am too tired to 
"really do something",
has finally become 
the mainstay of my day. 

Simply Isn't Done

by Cheryl Merrick
How can I do it?
Wives, mothers and homemakers
simply don't.

Intellectually, I know that
happy people spend their day
using their strongest abilities.

They build, bake, clean, repair,
bike, run, and 
some even create works of art or music,
but who creates ideas?

It is alright if you produce
a famous novel,
but to "just" sit for hours
thinking thoughts--
simply isn't done.