Filled with anxious concerns
each day I queried,
"Have you read the scriptures?
"Did you pray today?"
My husband's terse, annoyed reply of, "No",
Escalated my fears.
"Would we be a forever family?"
My attempts at subtle encouragement
I anguished over my husbands "failings".
Sure that our children would be corrupted
by their father's deficient example,
Praying that the Lord would help him"shape up",
I was shocked when I was firmly reminded
that my long list of what he "should" do
had obliterated my own need
to develop the love and patience
he already had.
I had not seen that it was
not his actions, but mine
that was destroying our relationship.
He needed to be responsible for his own life
-- not me.
My pharisaical judging of his behavior,
my lack of appreciation for his good qualities,
and my constant focusing on what
I felt he "should" do was undermining
his self confidence.
Finally, I saw that
He was well aware that
I was disappointed in him
-- that I lacked faith in him.
So quietly and humbly,
I stepped back,
allowing him to live his own life;
to grow in his own way and at his own pace.
Giving up my perfectionistic list of expectations,
I determined to follow the spirit of love,
not of self righteous judgement,
and finally give up being a Perfectionist Wife.