All That Really Matters

By Cheryl Merrick

Though I can no longer hike,
I have fun on my electric bike.

Though I can no longer sing or dance,

I am still enchanted by music.

Though my eyes tire quickly,

the words others read to me

nourish my soul.

Though I do not have the energy to travel,

I enjoy our home area and others' trips.

Though I exhaust quickly with household chores,

I delight in the time I have to create.

Though I stumble in this world of reality,

I soar in the realm of imagination.

My Life as a Kitchen Implement

by Cheryl Merrick

Trying to find my place

    in the kitchen,

I tried whipping and stirring --

    pathic, and it took forever!

I tried rolling out dough --

    another dismal failure.

I wasn't too bad at making

    holes in pastry crust,

Facing Life

by Cheryl Merrick

Armed with only
a large shield,
I cowered behind
its protection,
til, supplied with a 
plethora of apt tools,
I stood forth to
courageously confront
the challenges of life.

Lesson from the Elephant

by Cheryl Merrick

Firmly tied to a stake,

the baby elephant

struggles to free himself.

After days of effort, 

the exhausted baby,

surrenders to the belief 

that it can never 

free itself.

Finally grown,

though the adult elephant

now possesses 

immense strength,

it still allows itself 

to be bound by,

its now non-applicable,

childhood memories. 

A Candle

by Cheryl Merrick

Most flames join
the blazing hearth fire 
adding to 
its merry warmth,

But a few choose 
solitary candlesticks
bringing light to even
the darkest night.

Meeting Needs

by Cheryl Merrick
Yes, she is weak and incompetent,
but strength comes 
from facing hard things.

Yes, she is lonely,
but when you shut yourself
in your home,
refusing to reach out in love,
you cannot expect anything else.

I'm Here At Last!

by Cheryl Merrick
Though, it has taken six months; 
the fog has finally lifted.
The constant, crushing fatigue is abating.
No longer am I stumbling around:
dopy, confused, and jittery.

Relishing the ability to think, 
 remember, see, and move; 
 I care for myself.
Hopeful that my hard earned
 ability to make competent decisions
 will ensure continued health;
 I face each day. 

Just

by Cheryl Merrick
I know that it must be.
I know that I must change.
Yes, it is logical.
Yes, it is necessary
     for my health.
But how can I spend my time
     "just" thinking?
What have I to show for my day?
Where is my accomplishment?
What have I created?
Just me.

Mainstay

by Cheryl Merrick
Doing the unthinkable, 
I begin a new life.
My creation of ideas, 
poems, and articles,
once restricted 
to late nights and hours
when I am too tired to 
"really do something",
has finally become 
the mainstay of my day. 

As Intended

by Cheryl Merrick

I saw myself as weak,
abnormal, and defective,
when I couldn't do all
I felt was expected of me.

Now, seeing more clearly,
I realize that The Lord
has given me the gift of empathy.

As I denied this gift,
I pushed myself beyond my limits,
destroying my health.

It is time to finally accept who I am,
and, with realistic expectations,
become the light
I was intended to be.

I Wish She Knew

by Cheryl Merrick

*I wish she knew the woman 
     who danced in the living room
           with the neighborhood children;
     who sailed across lakes and climbed mountains;
     who jogged in the mornings
           and daily ran up several flights of stairs;
     who took two babies to the zoo
           on a snowy New Year's Day
           and for a winter hot dog picnic at the lake;
      who baked cookies on rainy afternoons,
           and sang, explored, and rode a bike around town. 

She does not know the woman
     I am now;
     who walks a mile each morning before breakfast,
          then works in the yard;
     who goes into stores, to church,
          and manages her home;
     a person who enthusiastically approaches projects,
          and laughs.

*written August 2016 after moving to the desert; thinking of my youngest daughter who never saw me when I was younger and had better health

Doing Well

by Cheryl Merrick

Realizing that scripture study
had become merely another "should"
to be checked off on her list,
the woman prays asking to have
the Holy Ghost with her,
as she focuses instead on
becoming closer to
Heavenly Father and His Son.

Though she longs to have time
to quietly sit at her desk
thoughtfully considering
each verse of scripture,
in the few still moments
when she is not rushing
to meet someone's needs,
she ponders a verse,
and, feeling The Spirit,
is reassured that
she is doing well.

Balancing

By Cheryl Merrick

Ever seeking to balance
my longing to help others,
     with my need to recharge;
my desire to interact
     with my yearning for solitude;
my joy in experiencing the world
    with my drive to analyze it;
my dedication in applying concepts
    with my thirst to discover principles;

Giving Up Mirrors

by Cheryl Merrick

Caught by the world's
distorted mirror,
I despaired
over my aging body
and quiet, intellectual ways.

Like the morning light
the darkness fled
as I turned away from
my self-absorbed comparing,
finally remembering that
I am a daughter of God.

So giving up mirrors,
I now open windows instead.

Life Fulfilled

by Cheryl Merrick

Simple food

Simple home

Few things, much time

Few commitments, much love

Quiet and peace

Sunshine and beauty

My spirit nourished

A thought shared

A person inspired

My daily work done

I rest calm and still

My life Fulfilled

Serving Differently

by Cheryl Merrick

Church leaders suggested we ask the Lord,

“Who should I help?”

Thoughts filled my mind of writing on my

“Meditations of a Mormon Mom” blog

And of making a new blog to help people

use the LDS.org website.

Then shaking my head sadly, I thought,

“ But that’s not service.”

Suddenly, these new words were

Impressed in my consciousness,

“I have given you different gifts.

 You will serve differently."

Who Am I?

by Cheryl Merrick

Am I only this weak wimp
standing with refrigerator door open,
feet growing cold,
as the questions
Who am I?
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
take on new meaning?

Am I the dull witted soul
who can’t think, plan, or remember?

Am I really a submissive sweetly
who can’t make decisions
and therefore docilely follows others.

Am I more than a blob
who sits and stares unblinkingly,
occasionally shuffling into another room
only to sit and stare again?

Am I so incompetent
that I must be taken care of
as you would a young child?

Who Am I Really?

(later I found out I was suffering from adrenal exhaustion)

What Do I Really Need?

by Cheryl Merrick

How can I maintain my quiet life
when I am out in the world again?
Will I be able to say “No”
to the many pleas for help?
Can I meet everyone’s needs?
Can I nurture them
without hurting me?
Am I trying to do for others
what they should be doing for themselves?
Am I hindering their growth
by solving their problems for them?
What limits must I set?

Recluse

by Cheryl Merrick

Finding superficial
conversations tiring,
I minimize them.

Determining the running of errands
to be inefficient,
I shop from home.

Wounded by glazed looks
and uncomprehending stares
when sharing an idea,
I rarely present one.

Quiet Life

by Cheryl Merrick

More and more, I am content
to be in the company
of my thoughts.

Feeling the serene stillness
of a quiescent forest,
I think, write, and study.

Occasionally venturing out
to share an idea, counsel, or teach,
then to return.