A Delicate Balance

by Cheryl Merrick

Often Falling over,
I struggle to find my balance;
Too much time with people,
and I am drained of energy;
Too much time focused within,
and I lose my voice.

Ever having to choose 
Between socializing,
 and loneliness;
Between empathizing 
 and analyzing;
Between creating in my mind,
 and sharing my insights with others;
Between knowing others,
 and knowing myself;
Between helping others,
 and replenishing my energies;
Between doing details, 
 and generating solutions;
Between the outside world,
 and the inside world;
I must choose
as I seek my own
delicate balance. 

Out in the Stillness

by Cheryl Merrick

When I was young, 
people who were quiet
were considered "defective".
They were seen as
malformed extraverts, 
"cold and withdrawn".
It was even whispered 
that they were "mentally ill."  
"Good", "mature" people were
friendly extraverts -- 
only they were truly loving.

The Binding

by Cheryl Merrick

Dragging my exhausted body along,
I force myself to do what others need;
     not what I am good at,
     not what I need.

Depressed, I continue on 
feeling my love
as a heavy chain
binding me to a life
of drudgery.

Lower and lower I sink,
my weariness growing heavier
as I allow myself 
to be bound to the rock. 


*as a dominant introverted intuitive I have little ability to handle details

Lost - an introvert in a crowd

by Cheryl Merrick
Invited to a social
just to be a part of the crowd
invigorating the extroverts,
I feel lonely, tired, and lost.

I feel painfully invisible
amid the crowd.
I feel like the soft music of a wind chime
lost in the blaring of a band;
like a delicate pastel painting
washed out in harsh light; 
like hushed country twilight
disturbed by garish partying, 
like gentle candle glow
obliterated in flood lights.

My voice drowned out
by superficial chatter,
my identity is lost in the crowd. 

written April, 24, 2017

My "Healing"

by Cheryl Merrick

Viewing both my body and spirit as weak,
I endured poor health.

I prayed for decades to be healed,
only to finally realize that
the "healing" I wanted
would have meant changing
who I am, my very nature.

In great wisdom, the Lord,
instead, has led me
to see myself
as He does,
and to be what He knows
I can become.

As Intended

by Cheryl Merrick

I saw myself as weak,
abnormal, and defective,
when I couldn't do all
I felt was expected of me.

Now, seeing more clearly,
I realize that The Lord
has given me the gift of empathy.

As I denied this gift,
I pushed myself beyond my limits,
destroying my health.

It is time to finally accept who I am,
and, with realistic expectations,
become the light
I was intended to be.

The Key

by Cheryl Merrick
For 45 years, I pleaded to be be healed.
I tearfully begged.
I prayed, and even offered "deals",
promising service for health.

As the years dragged on,
I came to accept the Lord's
promise that though
He would not remove my problems,
He would help me cope with them.

Resigned to a life of chronic illness,
I tried to serve others from my home
through my writing, encouraging notes,
newspaper editing, tutoring children,
and sending answers to questions about lds.org.

Suddenly, a key appeared to my doorless room
and, realizing that both the door and the key
have always been there,
I walk out, whole, into health.

Fitting In

by Cheryl Merrick
Pushing and shoving,
I tried to force myself
into the prescribed mold;
"be outgoing",
"have an active lifestyle".

Assured that this is
the way to happiness,
I diligently persevered until,
stressed beyond my endurance,
I collapsed.

Why Wasn't I Healed?

by Cheryl Merrick
I pled for healing,
but it didn't happen.
I had children. They grew up,
and now I'm a grandmother.
Was I ever healed?

Yes, the Lord is making me whole,
but not by correcting some
defect in my body.
Instead, He is healing my soul,
by helping me understand
and accept who I am.

With this understanding,
I can set the limits I need,
avoid becoming over-stressed,
and, at last,
be healed.

I Made it!

by Cheryl Merrick
Stepping into the large hall,
I am bombarded by the
movement, noise, and feelings
of a multitude of people.

Tightening my muscles,
I will myself to stand still
and not bolt out of the room.

Seeing a couple of older women I know,
I make myself walk over
and chat for a few moments.

The Empath

by Cheryl Merrick

Open to the energy around me
     I feel both others warmth and their joy,
     and their fears and anxiousness to be loved.

I cringe in pain
     when I see an animal hurt or
     a tree with a branch broken.

Cruelty, selfishness, and violence
     are incomprehensible to me.

Feeling others pain, suffering, and stress,
I yearn to heal them.

Balancing

By Cheryl Merrick

Ever seeking to balance
my longing to help others,
     with my need to recharge;
my desire to interact
     with my yearning for solitude;
my joy in experiencing the world
    with my drive to analyze it;
my dedication in applying concepts
    with my thirst to discover principles;

What Do I Really Need?

by Cheryl Merrick

How can I maintain my quiet life
when I am out in the world again?
Will I be able to say “No”
to the many pleas for help?
Can I meet everyone’s needs?
Can I nurture them
without hurting me?
Am I trying to do for others
what they should be doing for themselves?
Am I hindering their growth
by solving their problems for them?
What limits must I set?

Wells

by Cheryl Merrick

From a well filled
     by hours of thought and study,
     inspiration and prayer,
I draw creative solutions.

Some think a spring of wisdom
     bubbles effortlessly within,
Endlessly nourishing others.

Unseen are the countless hours
     spent in quiet reflection,
as drop by drop,
     each day,
the well must be refilled.

Weeds

by Cheryl Merrick
Like aggressive weeds,
burly and pushy,
details invade my garden
greedily crowding out
my more delicate
introspective plants

Turning Around

by Cheryl Merrick

Filling my time with
study, writing, and contemplation,
I happily enjoy my day,

Occasionally taking a break
from the world of thought,
to accomplish some task,
then returning again
to my element.

But the question remains;
Is my life upside down
or finally
Right side up!

Starfish

by Cheryl Merrick

Happily I live on my rock,
secure in a sea of thought.

From there I enthusiastically,
and lovingly,
share ideas,
applaud accomplishments,
empathize with disappointments,
and offer encouragement.

How can I explain
my need to leave errands
and projects to others?
How can I express
how tiring it is for me
to be out in the world?
How can they understand
that I must,
like a starfish,
soon return to be refreshed
in the sea?

Quiet Life

by Cheryl Merrick

More and more, I am content
to be in the company
of my thoughts.

Feeling the serene stillness
of a quiescent forest,
I think, write, and study.

Occasionally venturing out
to share an idea, counsel, or teach,
then to return.

Peaceful Days

by Cheryl Merrick

Peaceful days begin
with mornings
spent in studying scriptures
and writing meditative poems

Moving between nurturing notes,
writing,
household tasks,
visiting,
family history,
and studying,
I gracefully glide
through my day.

Dancing to the music within,
My flowing steps lead,
over time,
to desired goals,
and peaceful days.

Painting a Day

by Cheryl Merrick

Applying a little paint
here and a little paint there,
my creation slowly takes shape

Against a soft blue sky
of quiet thoughts
I add the gentle rays
of sun filled days