My Life as a Kitchen Implement

by Cheryl Merrick

Trying to find my place

    in the kitchen,

I tried whipping and stirring --

    pathic, and it took forever!

I tried rolling out dough --

    another dismal failure.

I wasn't too bad at making

    holes in pastry crust,

Being Me

by Cheryl Merrick

Looking through others' eyes,
I tried to be as they saw me:
"sweet little Sherry"
endlessly giving love and support;
the ever "busy homemaker"
rushing around nurturing everyone;
or the "friendly neighbor"
chatty and helpful.

Continuing my act,
I'd push myself 
trying so hard to make myself into
what I thought others wanted and needed;
till, exhausted, my facade falls away
revealing a sensitive idealist
who thrives in those quiet moments
when I touch the heavens
and feel its power directing my words. 

Comparing Apples to Oranges

by Cheryl Merrick
As the oranges declare
that having a thick skin
is the most practical way to be,
I despair aware of my own thin skin.

The bounce competition was a nightmare.
Not only did it not make me juicer,
but instead left me badly bruised.

This Year I'll Be Me

by Cheryl Merrick

Many years ago 
when my children were young, 
I loved being a mom/teacher.
I loved sharing new ideas 
with my children
and watching them develop
their special talents.

What I did not enjoy was 
all the innumerable details.
Though the kids helped,
I often felt overwhelmed
and depressed by all the
places to go, details to remember,
food to cook, clothes to wash,
and things to clean.

Meeting Needs

by Cheryl Merrick
Yes, she is weak and incompetent,
but strength comes 
from facing hard things.

Yes, she is lonely,
but when you shut yourself
in your home,
refusing to reach out in love,
you cannot expect anything else.

Boundaries

by Cheryl Merrick
Boundaries quietly
define who I am:
What I like
and what I don't;
What I can do
and the things I can't;
What tires me
and what energizes me;
What drains me
and what fulfills me.

Boundaries
garner my time
and energies,
and allow relationships
to deepen,
as they provide stillness
to restore my soul.

Lost - an introvert in a crowd

by Cheryl Merrick
Invited to a social
just to be a part of the crowd
invigorating the extroverts,
I feel lonely, tired, and lost.

I feel painfully invisible
amid the crowd.
I feel like the soft music of a wind chime
lost in the blaring of a band;
like a delicate pastel painting
washed out in harsh light; 
like hushed country twilight
disturbed by garish partying, 
like gentle candle glow
obliterated in flood lights.

My voice drowned out
by superficial chatter,
my identity is lost in the crowd. 

written April, 24, 2017

I Wish She Knew

by Cheryl Merrick

*I wish she knew the woman 
     who danced in the living room
           with the neighborhood children;
     who sailed across lakes and climbed mountains;
     who jogged in the mornings
           and daily ran up several flights of stairs;
     who took two babies to the zoo
           on a snowy New Year's Day
           and for a winter hot dog picnic at the lake;
      who baked cookies on rainy afternoons,
           and sang, explored, and rode a bike around town. 

She does not know the woman
     I am now;
     who walks a mile each morning before breakfast,
          then works in the yard;
     who goes into stores, to church,
          and manages her home;
     a person who enthusiastically approaches projects,
          and laughs.

*written August 2016 after moving to the desert; thinking of my youngest daughter who never saw me when I was younger and had better health

Balancing

By Cheryl Merrick

Ever seeking to balance
my longing to help others,
     with my need to recharge;
my desire to interact
     with my yearning for solitude;
my joy in experiencing the world
    with my drive to analyze it;
my dedication in applying concepts
    with my thirst to discover principles;

The Road

by Cheryl Merrick

Those on the road
rush home each evening
to waste their time,
either sitting mesmerized in front of their TV,
 or flitting from post to post,
caught like moths in their computer's glow.

Each morning they arise and begin another day
stuffed with fast food, rush hours, throbbing music,
appointments, lessons,  work, and shopping
till their closets bulge with unneeded things,
their heads spin and their eyes glaze.

Giving Up Mirrors

by Cheryl Merrick

Caught by the world's
distorted mirror,
I despaired
over my aging body
and quiet, intellectual ways.

Like the morning light
the darkness fled
as I turned away from
my self-absorbed comparing,
finally remembering that
I am a daughter of God.

So giving up mirrors,
I now open windows instead.

Who Am I?

by Cheryl Merrick

Am I only this weak wimp
standing with refrigerator door open,
feet growing cold,
as the questions
Who am I?
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
take on new meaning?

Am I the dull witted soul
who can’t think, plan, or remember?

Am I really a submissive sweetly
who can’t make decisions
and therefore docilely follows others.

Am I more than a blob
who sits and stares unblinkingly,
occasionally shuffling into another room
only to sit and stare again?

Am I so incompetent
that I must be taken care of
as you would a young child?

Who Am I Really?

(later I found out I was suffering from adrenal exhaustion)

Only a Volunteer

by Cheryl Merrick

I know myself to be a:
Certified Teacher
     with a current credential and
     who is School District Trained
Experienced Tutor
     who has helped children
     no other teacher could
Capable Educator
     who has managed large classes
     and ably planned lessons
Published Author & Editor
     with articles printed
     in the Ensign magazine and newspapers

Melody and Refrain

by Cheryl Merrick

Like old forgotten refrains
Memories of a past life
Softly touch my mind

Memories of a young woman
Who laughed, danced, and played,
Who weekly invited people over for dinner,
And took two toddlers to the zoo
On a snowy New Years Day

This woman had become forgotten
In the ensewing years of pain and constant illness
Now I marvel at meeting her again
A bit older, more confident, and wiser
An old refrain with a new melody

Kindred Spirits

by Cheryl Merrick

I thought I was alone
in my beliefs,
a creative, inquiring spirit,
lost in a troop of practical souls,
then I met you,
my ancestors.

You fled to this new land
to live your principles.

You knew the old ways
needed changing
and looked to the Lord
to restore His truths.

When He did,
you embraced them.

Warmed by the strength of your convictions,
I feel a new sense of family support
from you,
my kindred spirits.




11/25/07

Circus

by Cheryl Merrick

Following the expected norm,
I ineptly attempt to juggle a few balls.
Lowering my head in shame,
I begrudgingly accept their sympathy.
Their assurances that I can do it
if I just keep trying,
ring hollowly in our ears.

Though tired and discouraged,
one day I look up
into the high reaches of the tent.
Fascinated by the lone figure
serenely walking the wire,
my balls slip from my hands
as I gracefully follow
His lead.

Best Help

by Cheryl Merrick

I thought I could help best
by doing the things he valued,
So I weeded and shopped
until I dropped.

Soon it became evident
that my small accomplishments
were requiring all my energy
leaving me in a fog of exhaustion
for the remainder of the day.

Sharing Love

by Cheryl Merrick

Setting a quiet example
Living a pattren of a righteous life
Listening with the heart
Giving perspective
Counseling based on principle
Seeing potential
Encouraging dreams
Letting others know their importance
Analyzing a problem
Studying to learn answers
Learning new things with enthusiasm
Generating Ideas
Identifying a solution
Sharing faith and hope
Holding fast to true principles
Seeking the ideal
Pondering the words of God
Focusing clearly on eternal essentials
Creating beauty and peace
Leading as I follow Him

Ruled by Emotion

by Cheryl Merrick

Feeling
I had to choose,
I suppressed my needs
to meet theirs.

Accepting
that study, thinking, and writing
are mere recreation
to be indulged in only when
ALL “my work” was finished,
I spent my days diligently doing
one detail after another.

Window

by Cheryl Merrick

Looking in a full length mirror,
     the young woman wonders,
     “Will he like me?”
As a worried young mother,
     she gazes into the now
     somewhat battered mirror,
     and asks,
     “Am I a good mother?”
The children come
       and her mirror becomes more
      and more scratched,
Til, older, and gray,
     she approaches her mirror
     and can no longer see herself.
The shiny coating
     has been worn away
     leaving only the glass,
a window of light,
     through which she can see
     the needs of others.