Empty Bucket/ Refilling

by Cheryl Merrick

Regretfully, 
I gaze into my nearly empty bucket
realizing, 
in my eagerness to help others,
I've forgotten that buckets
must be refilled.

This Year I'll Be Me

by Cheryl Merrick

Many years ago 
when my children were young, 
I loved being a mom/teacher.
I loved sharing new ideas 
with my children
and watching them develop
their special talents.

What I did not enjoy was 
all the innumerable details.
Though the kids helped,
I often felt overwhelmed
and depressed by all the
places to go, details to remember,
food to cook, clothes to wash,
and things to clean.

I'm Here At Last!

by Cheryl Merrick
Though, it has taken six months; 
the fog has finally lifted.
The constant, crushing fatigue is abating.
No longer am I stumbling around:
dopy, confused, and jittery.

Relishing the ability to think, 
 remember, see, and move; 
 I care for myself.
Hopeful that my hard earned
 ability to make competent decisions
 will ensure continued health;
 I face each day. 

Boundaries

by Cheryl Merrick
Boundaries quietly
define who I am:
What I like
and what I don't;
What I can do
and the things I can't;
What tires me
and what energizes me;
What drains me
and what fulfills me.

Boundaries
garner my time
and energies,
and allow relationships
to deepen,
as they provide stillness
to restore my soul.

What Do I Long For?

by Cheryl Merrick
I long for time to rest, 
time to think and ponder,
and time to enjoy nature.

I long for time
 to build relationships,
 with God, my family,
 and with friends.

I long for time to grow,
time to study, write,  
and care for myself.

I long for time to serve,
time to tend grandchildren,
time to send encouraging notes,
and time do family history.

Most of all,
I long to be still
and have the time 
to live a simple life. 

Making a Choice

by Cheryl Merrick
The decision is logical.
Like using your "other" hand,
using your weakest ability
quickly generates stress.

I know this well
for I have frequently suppressed
my strongest ability.
Fearing social disapproval
and not wanting to disappoint those I love,  
rather than developing the talents God has given me,
I chose instead do what others expected of me. 
Of course, it doesn't take long 
before I collapse in exhaustion. 

Carrying Capacity

by Cheryl Merrick
After five days in a small trailer
with no laundry or dishes to do,
or house to clean, 
I relax.

Though glad to be home again,
I'm suddenly overwhelmed.
There is so much to do! 
Must I do everything?
Can I remain relaxed?
No, my headache, tight neck, 
aching jaw, and upset stomach 
declare I can't!

Another Day

by Cheryl Merrick

Another day passes
     full of good things;
helping and serving.
A life lived for others.
A life lived caring for 
everyone's needs, 
but my own. 

As Intended

by Cheryl Merrick

I saw myself as weak,
abnormal, and defective,
when I couldn't do all
I felt was expected of me.

Now, seeing more clearly,
I realize that The Lord
has given me the gift of empathy.

As I denied this gift,
I pushed myself beyond my limits,
destroying my health.

It is time to finally accept who I am,
and, with realistic expectations,
become the light
I was intended to be.

Balancing

By Cheryl Merrick

Ever seeking to balance
my longing to help others,
     with my need to recharge;
my desire to interact
     with my yearning for solitude;
my joy in experiencing the world
    with my drive to analyze it;
my dedication in applying concepts
    with my thirst to discover principles;

Wells

by Cheryl Merrick

From a well filled
     by hours of thought and study,
     inspiration and prayer,
I draw creative solutions.

Some think a spring of wisdom
     bubbles effortlessly within,
Endlessly nourishing others.

Unseen are the countless hours
     spent in quiet reflection,
as drop by drop,
     each day,
the well must be refilled.

Weeds

by Cheryl Merrick
Like aggressive weeds,
burly and pushy,
details invade my garden
greedily crowding out
my more delicate
introspective plants

Crossing the Threshold

by Cheryl Merrick

Here I stand,
hesitating on the threshold,
Wanting to enter,
but afraid to leave
the security I have found.

Can I hold my boundaries?
Can I say, “No”.
Do I really need to do everything
everyone would like?
Can I stick to my principles?
Can I maintain reasonable limits
on all the going and doing?

Suppressed Feelings

by Cheryl Merrick

I’m tired of stressful relationships
I’m tired of trying to please unpleaseable people
I’m tired of our talents and resources being used
 to achieve other people’s goals
I’m tired of seeing our retirement money being consumed by a business
which has never given us any return
I’m tired of my husband working to support other’s comfortable lifestyle
I’m tired of living frugally so others can enjoy luxuries we can’t
I’m tired of giving all our extra time, energies, and resources to people who just use us
I’m tired of exhausting myself to provide unappreciated
and unneeded help to others
I’m tired of supporting people who need to stand on their own feet
I want to step back and allow our grown children
to solve their own problems
I’m tired of waiting for a turn which never comes.

Removing Rocks

by Cheryl Merrick

Like carrying rocks,
my back bends
beneath the heavy
load of details

Til, staggering,
I can barely move,
and my mind whirls
in a haze of exhaustion,

Unable to go on,
I empty out my bulging pack.
What must I return?

Peaceful Days

by Cheryl Merrick

Peaceful days begin
with mornings
spent in studying scriptures
and writing meditative poems

Moving between nurturing notes,
writing,
household tasks,
visiting,
family history,
and studying,
I gracefully glide
through my day.

Dancing to the music within,
My flowing steps lead,
over time,
to desired goals,
and peaceful days.

My Turf

by Cheryl Merrick

Energized by hours
of studying
doing research
writing my life history
making plans
publishing poems
teaching children
counseling family & friends
and pondering principles
I thrive on
My Turf

3/23/08

Moot Point

by Cheryl Merrick

Yes, it is a good thing to do.
If I did it,
someone’s life would be a little easier,
and it might encourage them,
but my life would be crushingly more difficult,
leaving me discouraged.

Yes, I could continue to do good.
Doing small good things
which have minor impact on other’s lives,
til I finally collapse unable to do anything at all,
or I could use my limited strength,
and abilities more wisely
living a joyful life of constant influence.

Should I continue trying to run faster
than I have strength.
pushing myself constantly to do
the things which exhaust me

Knowing I will soon collapse
unless I rest and relax,
the choice has become
A Moot Point

Inner Balance

by Cheryl Merrick

Making sure I never become tired,
while maintaining circulation and strength,
I carefully move between activity and rest.

Preserving a fine balance
between necessary care and spiritual nurturing,
I swing between housekeep tasks and scripture study,
between serving others and replenishing my stores,
between creativity and implementation .

Finally, with confidence and assurance
I have learned to follow
My Inner Balance.

Filling

by Cheryl Merrick

Drop by drop,
my bucket fills
with scripture study and prayer,
meditation and study,
writing and reading,
dance and decorating,
caring for us,
and nurturing others.