A Delicate Balance

by Cheryl Merrick

Often Falling over,
I struggle to find my balance;
Too much time with people,
and I am drained of energy;
Too much time focused within,
and I lose my voice.

Ever having to choose 
Between socializing,
 and loneliness;
Between empathizing 
 and analyzing;
Between creating in my mind,
 and sharing my insights with others;
Between knowing others,
 and knowing myself;
Between helping others,
 and replenishing my energies;
Between doing details, 
 and generating solutions;
Between the outside world,
 and the inside world;
I must choose
as I seek my own
delicate balance. 

My "Healing"

by Cheryl Merrick

Viewing both my body and spirit as weak,
I endured poor health.

I prayed for decades to be healed,
only to finally realize that
the "healing" I wanted
would have meant changing
who I am, my very nature.

In great wisdom, the Lord,
instead, has led me
to see myself
as He does,
and to be what He knows
I can become.

As Intended

by Cheryl Merrick

I saw myself as weak,
abnormal, and defective,
when I couldn't do all
I felt was expected of me.

Now, seeing more clearly,
I realize that The Lord
has given me the gift of empathy.

As I denied this gift,
I pushed myself beyond my limits,
destroying my health.

It is time to finally accept who I am,
and, with realistic expectations,
become the light
I was intended to be.

The Key

by Cheryl Merrick
For 45 years, I pleaded to be be healed.
I tearfully begged.
I prayed, and even offered "deals",
promising service for health.

As the years dragged on,
I came to accept the Lord's
promise that though
He would not remove my problems,
He would help me cope with them.

Resigned to a life of chronic illness,
I tried to serve others from my home
through my writing, encouraging notes,
newspaper editing, tutoring children,
and sending answers to questions about lds.org.

Suddenly, a key appeared to my doorless room
and, realizing that both the door and the key
have always been there,
I walk out, whole, into health.

Fitting In

by Cheryl Merrick
Pushing and shoving,
I tried to force myself
into the prescribed mold;
"be outgoing",
"have an active lifestyle".

Assured that this is
the way to happiness,
I diligently persevered until,
stressed beyond my endurance,
I collapsed.

Why Wasn't I Healed?

by Cheryl Merrick
I pled for healing,
but it didn't happen.
I had children. They grew up,
and now I'm a grandmother.
Was I ever healed?

Yes, the Lord is making me whole,
but not by correcting some
defect in my body.
Instead, He is healing my soul,
by helping me understand
and accept who I am.

With this understanding,
I can set the limits I need,
avoid becoming over-stressed,
and, at last,
be healed.

I Made it!

by Cheryl Merrick
Stepping into the large hall,
I am bombarded by the
movement, noise, and feelings
of a multitude of people.

Tightening my muscles,
I will myself to stand still
and not bolt out of the room.

Seeing a couple of older women I know,
I make myself walk over
and chat for a few moments.

The Empath

by Cheryl Merrick

Open to the energy around me
     I feel both others warmth and their joy,
     and their fears and anxiousness to be loved.

I cringe in pain
     when I see an animal hurt or
     a tree with a branch broken.

Cruelty, selfishness, and violence
     are incomprehensible to me.

Feeling others pain, suffering, and stress,
I yearn to heal them.

Walking Through a Crowd

by Cheryl Merrick

Feeling your distress
     I cringe in pain.
You are hurting
     and I can not help.

You try to hide it
     behind a strained smile,
     benumb it with activity,
     or an insulate it with fat,
but you do not feel loved.

You dress to please & impress;
     slinking in your high heals & short shorts,
     or strutting in you bodacious beard & chains,
but love will not be bought.

As I see you trying to grasp happiness
     in a multitude of ineffectual ways,
my heart aches.

Sharing

by Cheryl Merrick

Mine to share are gifts
that cannot be touched or held,
the glimmering, ethereal gifts
of the mind and heart.

Through intense empathy,
I’m able to sense potential
mentoring it into fruit.

From hours spent
in study and thought,
I draw out solutions to problems

From prayer and meditation
I discover principles
to light our way.

And so, in loving concern,
I share my faith
and hope for the future.

Chimes

by Cheryl Merrick

Far from the blaring brass band,
I hear,
Like the tinkling of soft chimes
     on a quiet summer evening,
the whisperings
of an individual soul,
and resonating to its tones,
answer.

Protection and Guidance

by Cheryl Merrick

Hope growing again like new shoots
 on a withered branch;
I returned to church and the temple.
Soon engulfed in a chemical fog,
I lost the ability to think and move.
Smothered by depression and confusion,
I struggled to maintain my identity.

Finally, watered by tears,
hope began to sprout again.
Was I, like the current bush,
being pruned so that I would bear good fruit?
Slowly the sun returned,
allowing me to feel the warmth
of the Master Gardner’s great love
in protecting and wisely guiding
a most fragile plant.