Time to Be Myself

by Cheryl Merrick

Over and over again,
I push myself
to meet the needs
of those around me.

Each day, the struggle
to be what I'm not
weighs on me,
til tired and grouchy,
I finally collapse 
into an exhausted heap.

The love and support
I've bestowed on family and friends
becomes just a memory
as I withdraw into myself to recharge
before my light extinguishes,

and it is only after days of healing,

that I am able to reach out again.

It is time for me
to accept my limitations.
Though my love for others
knows no bounds,
my time and energy
has very finite limits. 

Though my heart wants to give 

all my strength and talents
to help others,
my body can not do it.

I'm quickly overwhelmed 

by the noise and busyness
of socials.

Fatigue envelops me 

as I am buffeted by  

by the needs I sense

in the people around me.

How can I be cheerful
when a cacophony
of sounds assaults my ears,
my head throbbingly aches, 
my stomach becomes queasy, 
and the room reels around me?

Longing for more than

superficial "chit chat",

I crave quiet moments
alone with one person
where we can connect

on a deep level
sharing our hopes and fears, 

our challenges, and joys 
-- our souls.

I long to hold up my vision

and hope to light other's paths. 

I desire to share my experiences 

hoping that they will inspire others.

After my short forays 

into the "real" world,

I must step back and ponder 

all I've received, all I've felt,

til my heart understands.

I must also ask myself 

hard questions. 

Can I meet the needs 

of many people at once?
Can I survive long
in busy, noisy environments?
Can I supply 

the enthusiasm and company 

an outgoing person needs?

Knowing the answers, 

it becomes evident 

that it is time to accept
who I am and nurture

my sensitive, quiet nature.

It is time to be myself, 

a person who,

with quiet intentness,
shares her soul.