Heads Up!

by Cheryl Merrick

Clumsily, I walk the earth.
Awkwardly, I try to do tasks
as their heads wag 
in knowing "sympathy".

Flustered, I try to remember 
so many details.
Exasperated, I try to get 
all the steps in proper order
as their heads wag 
in knowing "sympathy".

Beaten down and overwhelmed
by all my "inadequacies",
I finally remember who I am,
and spreading my wings,
rise into the sky
as their heads look up awe.

Soaring and Rocks

by Cheryl Merrick

Like a bird soaring
high above the ground,
I see patterns below me
and am warmed 
by the light from above.

Not built for rock moving,
I collapse in exhaustion
beside my the pitiful pile
-- my full day's work.

Having chosen the earth
where his strength is needed,
the powerful draft horse
sees my plight.

In a few hours he has
all my rocks neatly piled
where they need to be.

Satisfied with his accomplishment,
he listens to my tales
of the view from the sky. 

Making a Choice

by Cheryl Merrick
The decision is logical.
Like using your "other" hand,
using your weakest ability
quickly generates stress.

I know this well
for I have frequently suppressed
my strongest ability.
Fearing social disapproval
and not wanting to disappoint those I love,  
rather than developing the talents God has given me,
I chose instead do what others expected of me. 
Of course, it doesn't take long 
before I collapse in exhaustion. 

Carrying Capacity

by Cheryl Merrick
After five days in a small trailer
with no laundry or dishes to do,
or house to clean, 
I relax.

Though glad to be home again,
I'm suddenly overwhelmed.
There is so much to do! 
Must I do everything?
Can I remain relaxed?
No, my headache, tight neck, 
aching jaw, and upset stomach 
declare I can't!

The Binding

by Cheryl Merrick

Dragging my exhausted body along,
I force myself to do what others need;
     not what I am good at,
     not what I need.

Depressed, I continue on 
feeling my love
as a heavy chain
binding me to a life
of drudgery.

Lower and lower I sink,
my weariness growing heavier
as I allow myself 
to be bound to the rock. 


*as a dominant introverted intuitive I have little ability to handle details

Fitting In

by Cheryl Merrick
Pushing and shoving,
I tried to force myself
into the prescribed mold;
"be outgoing",
"have an active lifestyle".

Assured that this is
the way to happiness,
I diligently persevered until,
stressed beyond my endurance,
I collapsed.

Why Wasn't I Healed?

by Cheryl Merrick
I pled for healing,
but it didn't happen.
I had children. They grew up,
and now I'm a grandmother.
Was I ever healed?

Yes, the Lord is making me whole,
but not by correcting some
defect in my body.
Instead, He is healing my soul,
by helping me understand
and accept who I am.

With this understanding,
I can set the limits I need,
avoid becoming over-stressed,
and, at last,
be healed.

Immovable

by Cheryl Merrick

Like waves endlessly crashing
upon the stone cliff,
the mother's relentless taunts
selfishly strive to pull her daughter,
and all that she has, out to sea - to her.

The Matriarch,
claiming that she has the "right" to all family resources,
and that it is her children's duty to meet her needs
and enable her to live in her "deserved" affluent lifestyle,
relentlessly pounds upon her daughter
trying to use the love and faith of her daughter
as weapons to enslave her.

The Empath

by Cheryl Merrick

Open to the energy around me
     I feel both others warmth and their joy,
     and their fears and anxiousness to be loved.

I cringe in pain
     when I see an animal hurt or
     a tree with a branch broken.

Cruelty, selfishness, and violence
     are incomprehensible to me.

Feeling others pain, suffering, and stress,
I yearn to heal them.

Too Many and Not Enough

by Cheryl Merrick

Too many changes
Too many questions
Too many new ideas
Too many problems to solve
and not enough time for him
to recharge

Not enough time to study
Not enough time to write
Not enough time to ponder
Not enough time to relax
Too many details consuming her
time and energy

The Carousel

by Cheryl Merrick

The Carousel whirls around
ever faster and faster
to a mad hatter refrain of,
“You’re late! You’re Late!
There is so much to do!
Hurry! Hurry!
You’ll never get it all done!”

Endlessly spinning
Endless details
Up and down
Endless routine

Removing Rocks

by Cheryl Merrick

Like carrying rocks,
my back bends
beneath the heavy
load of details

Til, staggering,
I can barely move,
and my mind whirls
in a haze of exhaustion,

Unable to go on,
I empty out my bulging pack.
What must I return?

My Pond

by Cheryl Merrick

Finding other ponds
     unsatisfying and stressful,
I return to my own pond,
   where I swim happily all day
   in a fluid world of thought.

Moot Point

by Cheryl Merrick

Yes, it is a good thing to do.
If I did it,
someone’s life would be a little easier,
and it might encourage them,
but my life would be crushingly more difficult,
leaving me discouraged.

Yes, I could continue to do good.
Doing small good things
which have minor impact on other’s lives,
til I finally collapse unable to do anything at all,
or I could use my limited strength,
and abilities more wisely
living a joyful life of constant influence.

Should I continue trying to run faster
than I have strength.
pushing myself constantly to do
the things which exhaust me

Knowing I will soon collapse
unless I rest and relax,
the choice has become
A Moot Point

Loved At Last

by Cheryl Merrick

You say you love me
as I am,
but you urge me to do
what I cannot.

Desiring to be loved,
I push beyond my endurance,
and failing to meet your expectations,
I despair.

Frustrated in my efforts to earn love,
I become resentful,
plummeting into depression.
as my strength fails.

Finally, healing comes,
both to my body,
and to my heart.
With acceptance of I who am,
I feel
Loved, at last.

Inner Balance

by Cheryl Merrick

Making sure I never become tired,
while maintaining circulation and strength,
I carefully move between activity and rest.

Preserving a fine balance
between necessary care and spiritual nurturing,
I swing between housekeep tasks and scripture study,
between serving others and replenishing my stores,
between creativity and implementation .

Finally, with confidence and assurance
I have learned to follow
My Inner Balance.

Good and Better Questions

by Cheryl Merrick

The question isn’t whether it is good --
It is,
but is it the best use of my time, energies, and abilities?

How can I feel a sense of purpose in my life
while not becoming stressed with excessive details?
Though I sincerely want to help others,
is all this help of equal value?

Am I seeking approval and acceptance
by trying to do more than I’m able?

How do I set bounds so that I  keep to my goals
and not get pulled off course by others wishes?

What must I do and not do
to lessen the stress I feel each day
and improve my health?

I pray for answers
for these
Good and Better Questions

Expectations

by Cheryl Merrick

Their activity is “work”
while mine is merely “play”

They accomplish much,
but I “do nothing” all day

Their work has value
Mine has none

Defining “work” as mere movement
they see themselves as “busy”
while I am “lazy”

Driving

by Cheryl Merrick

Fearfully, I take my position
    with both hands gripping the wheel
   and both feet hovering over the pedals.
Hesitantly I turn the key.

Jerkily, I proceed
    constantly gazing into my mirrors,
    ever anxious to please,
    ever seeking conformation from others
that I’m heading the right direction.

Drifting

by Cheryl Merrick

Losing sight of my goal,
Slowly I begin to drift
off course.

Becoming mired
in to do lists,
I struggle to make headway
only to find
my destination
waning more distant

Tired, but determined
not to rest
til each detail
is crossed off,
I continue
drifting