A Woman in Winter

by Cheryl Merrick

Shut in her home,
the woman huddles
in her ever darkening room.
Cold and lonely, 
she spends her days lost in viewing 
old photo albums and scrapbooks;
memories of summer;
a time when she basked 
in the warmth of having
her husband and young children
surrounding her; needing her. 

Now it is winter,
her husband, long dead,
has left her to continue alone.
Her children, now grown and far away,
have little time to spend with her
for they are busily raising their children
and enjoying their own summer.

Dreaming

by. Cheryl Merrick

Envisioning myself sitting on
a cabin porch enjoying the sun,
I wistfully sigh,
longing for moments to reflect and write.

Now a grandmother, realizing that
the busy days of child raising are over, 
I contentedly smile,
knowing that my time for dreams has come.

Simply Isn't Done

by Cheryl Merrick
How can I do it?
Wives, mothers and homemakers
simply don't.

Intellectually, I know that
happy people spend their day
using their strongest abilities.

They build, bake, clean, repair,
bike, run, and 
some even create works of art or music,
but who creates ideas?

It is alright if you produce
a famous novel,
but to "just" sit for hours
thinking thoughts--
simply isn't done. 

Upside Down

by Cheryl Merrick
Doing what I felt
    I should;
Doing all the 
    "essential" nurturing things
I thought they needed, 
I lived my life --
    upside down

Only realizing later,
that what they remembered most 
was the time I spent with them,
listening and teaching--
right side up.

Another Day

by Cheryl Merrick

Another day passes
     full of good things;
helping and serving.
A life lived for others.
A life lived caring for 
everyone's needs, 
but my own. 

Immovable

by Cheryl Merrick

Like waves endlessly crashing
upon the stone cliff,
the mother's relentless taunts
selfishly strive to pull her daughter,
and all that she has, out to sea - to her.

The Matriarch,
claiming that she has the "right" to all family resources,
and that it is her children's duty to meet her needs
and enable her to live in her "deserved" affluent lifestyle,
relentlessly pounds upon her daughter
trying to use the love and faith of her daughter
as weapons to enslave her.

I Wish She Knew

by Cheryl Merrick

*I wish she knew the woman 
     who danced in the living room
           with the neighborhood children;
     who sailed across lakes and climbed mountains;
     who jogged in the mornings
           and daily ran up several flights of stairs;
     who took two babies to the zoo
           on a snowy New Year's Day
           and for a winter hot dog picnic at the lake;
      who baked cookies on rainy afternoons,
           and sang, explored, and rode a bike around town. 

She does not know the woman
     I am now;
     who walks a mile each morning before breakfast,
          then works in the yard;
     who goes into stores, to church,
          and manages her home;
     a person who enthusiastically approaches projects,
          and laughs.

*written August 2016 after moving to the desert; thinking of my youngest daughter who never saw me when I was younger and had better health

Cutting Apron Strings

by Cheryl Merrick

Oh! The pain!
Doesn't she love me anymore?
How can he just ignore me?
Why doesn't she even call?

We were so close.
Have I done something wrong?
He passes by me as if I wasn't even there,
and spends his time with others.

Trying on Hats

by Cheryl Merrick

My first was a princess crown,
glittering in the glow of indulgent parents,
shining new as I was the first child and grandchild.

I felt I could have been happy with my crown forever,
but one day my crown disappeared.
In its place was a modest dutiful daughter bonnet,
complete with two lists of detailed expectations;
  one from mom and the other from dad.
This hat became increasingly tight and restrictive,
and eventually fell apart due to stress.

Suppressed Feelings

by Cheryl Merrick

I’m tired of stressful relationships
I’m tired of trying to please unpleaseable people
I’m tired of our talents and resources being used
 to achieve other people’s goals
I’m tired of seeing our retirement money being consumed by a business
which has never given us any return
I’m tired of my husband working to support other’s comfortable lifestyle
I’m tired of living frugally so others can enjoy luxuries we can’t
I’m tired of giving all our extra time, energies, and resources to people who just use us
I’m tired of exhausting myself to provide unappreciated
and unneeded help to others
I’m tired of supporting people who need to stand on their own feet
I want to step back and allow our grown children
to solve their own problems
I’m tired of waiting for a turn which never comes.

Nurturer of Spirits

by Cheryl Merrick

With inspiring thoughts
and encouraging words
I nourish spirits.

Appreciating Differences

by Cheryl Merrick

Young, still focused
on myself
I naively, yearned for
reassurance of my worth
in sameness
by trying to remake
my husband, mother, children,
friends and neighbors
in my image

Now, many years later,
as I see my children
wanting to “improve” me.
I just smile and remember.

At last, accepting my own uniqueness,
I can finally truly appreciate
other’s differences
and thoroughly enjoy
just being me.

Wishes and Costs

by Cheryl Merrick

I wish I had your family
Cost: 35 years of study, prayer, and communication

I wish I could run like you
Cost: 6 hours a week early morning running for 10 years; plus sweat

I wish I had your job
Cost: 4 years of college; 10 years of underpaid jobs while working way up ladder

Wayward Child

by Cheryl Merrick

My heart aches for you
as I watch you
learn from your own experience
that wickedness never was happiness.

Feeling you suffer
the consequences of your acts,
I long to comfort you
but I cannot,
for in your quest for freedom
you have willfully stepped
off the only path
that could have brought
you happiness.

Never and Always

by Cheryl Merrick

I was never going to
lose my temper
yell at my children
put on weight
become out of shape
take pills
or get old.

My home would
always be clean and neat;
My children
kind and obedient;
And my heart
loving and giving.

Through years filled with
“nevers” that happened,
and those “always” which didn’t,
I no longer boast of my own strength,
Instead, I live
Trusting in His mercy and power
to perfect my weaknesses.
3/23/08

What is Right for Me?

by Cheryl Merrick

Some homemakers spend their day
cooking, cleaning, and running errands,
Some jog and scrapbook,
while others visit, send cards, and volunteer.

There are older women
who devote time to grandchildren,
family history research, and temple work.

All are good,
but what is right for me?

The Guide

by Cheryl Merrick

With empathy and love
I listen

Understanding their
dreams and fears
I respond

Holding up the lamp of hope
I lead

Looking for opportunities
I encourage

With the assurance
of correct principles,
I stand firm

Knowing the path
I guide us home





8/27/2011

Soaring

by Cheryl Merrick

Helping you, I find wings,
and soar with my mind and heart,
No longer hobbled by a body
     ill and worn.

Agile and capable,
I share my experience with you,
    and, as I see you grow,
we soar together,
my bounds and pains forgotten
in the joy of our flight.

Retirement -- At Last!

by Cheryl Merrick

It is time to enjoy being together
when I’m not completely exhausted.
It is time for my husband to lighten my load
by helping with the cooking, laundry, and cleaning.
It is time to relax and read in the evenings

Time to talk, share, and plan together
Time to putter in the house, garage, and yard
Time to ride with him as he does errands
Time to get out of the house more
Time to have my husband’s help with home projects
It is time to do family history, serve a mission,
and devote time to the Lord’s kingdom.

Prepared for This Time

by Cheryl Merrick

Through years of debilitating illness
with no relief in sight,
Through learning to work
together in marriage,
and by nurturing our children
through their challenges,
My heart has been softened
and my understanding increased.;

Til now I stand,
Tempered and stretched,
Tested and taught,
Prepared to lead
in paths of righteousness.

8/31/08