Driving

by Cheryl Merrick

Fearfully, I take my position
    with both hands gripping the wheel
   and both feet hovering over the pedals.
Hesitantly I turn the key.

Jerkily, I proceed
    constantly gazing into my mirrors,
    ever anxious to please,
    ever seeking conformation from others
that I’m heading the right direction.


Nervously, I stomp on pedals:
Brake - I’m upsetting Mom
Gas - I’m pleasing Dad
Brake - a wife should
Gas - a mother should
Brake - a homemaker should
Gas - a “good Mormon” should
Brake - a teacher should
Go - a loving person should

Often, in an attempt to please
    several voices,
I press both brake and gas pedals at once.
Til in an exhausted shudder and shake,
   my car simply rolls to
    a complete stop,
leaving me alone,
     my face veiled in quiet tears.

I’m not where I want to be.
The things I’ve wanted to do are not done.
All I do is never enough.
No one is happy with me, my course, or my progress ;
   least of all me.

With nothing to lose,
I daringly decide to drive
   by looking out
   the front window.
Trusting in the abilities I’ve been blessed with,
    and following
    the Lord’s guidance,
I confidently more forward.

At last, taking responsibility for my own direction,
I feel the satisfaction of knowing  I’m on the right road, for me.
Assured that I am fulfilling  my mission here,
I enjoy the peace of knowing
    I will eventually arrive at
    my  eternal destination.