Reformation

by Cheryl Merrick

I. Accepting reality
Doomed to endlessly repeat my actions, 
like in the movie, Groundhog Day, 
until I "get it right,"
I reluctantly acknowledge that 
I must accept reality.

What must I accept?

It is that I can't expend more energy
than I have for very long
before my life comes 

to an abrupt halt, 
leaving me to reevaluate my actions
as I sit there, 
waiting for weeks,
until, slowly, my energy rebuilds.

II. How did I get here?
Was it too many busy days?
Was it the endless hours of detailed projects?
Was it all the cooking, cleaning, 
     and rearranging I did?

Did I try to do too much 
     for too many people?
Did I forget to take time
     to care for myself?
Or, was it what I didn't do, 
     such as, rest and relax?

Did I somehow forget that 
     I'm a creative person, 
     Not a busy "doer"?
Did I push determinedly 

     to "get the job done", 
     even though I was tired?
Did my "to do" list expand
     to an alarming size? 
Regretfully, I must admit 
     that I did them all. 

III. What do I need to do differently?
What is essential in my life?
What must I eliminate?
How can I live more simply?
How can I live a life that energizes me 
instead of daily draining all my energy?
How can I just be me?