This Year I'll Be Me

by Cheryl Merrick

Many years ago 
when my children were young, 
I loved being a mom/teacher.
I loved sharing new ideas 
with my children
and watching them develop
their special talents.

What I did not enjoy was 
all the innumerable details.
Though the kids helped,
I often felt overwhelmed
and depressed by all the
places to go, details to remember,
food to cook, clothes to wash,
and things to clean.


I felt guilty that I did not feel 
that blissful sense of accomplishment
others claimed 
as they crossed things off their "to do list".
I was doing it, 
but I definitely was not joyfully 
fulfilling my responsibilities 
as a homemaker.
What was wrong with me?

As my hair grayed
and the years passed,
I discovered that nothing 
is the matter with me.
I simply make a home, 
a refuge of safety and peace, 
in a different way.

I set high ideals, design,
plan, teach, counsel, decorate, 
analyze, and organize, 
but I'm not the person to actually 
do the daily routine details--
my husband is.

While he marches through his day
happily accomplishing tasks,
I wilt just seeing "to do" lists.
My world is the world of the mind.
I thrive in the realm of thought. 
I soar when I write; I love the spiritual,
and feel invigorated when I
study new things. 

Finally, I accept that I can not
fit a role generated by women
whose goal in life is to fill each day 
with mundane details,
then to bask in the glow 
of their completed tasks 
at the day's end. 

Instead, I've decided to accept 
my tenuous relationship with the "real" world ,
and delegate or eliminate
all those endless, draining details.
The time has come for me
to appreciate my unusual strengths 
and for me to develop 
and share my talents.
It is time for me to declare--
"This Year I'll Be Me".