Restricted or Nurtured?

by Cheryl Merrick

Feeling restricted 
and concluding that my dreams
were being frustrated,
I begged to be freed.

If only I could get out more
and do the things
"normal" people do,
Then I would be happy.

Years passed
as I quietly sat in my home
longing to be out,
but occasionally,
when I'd be "out and about"
for a few days, 
all I'd feel was an intense longing
to be still and rest.


Exhausted from my latest
fling at "normalness",
I've wondered,
What am I doing wrong?
What do I really want to do?

I'd always thought,
like many women of my era,
that my fulfillment came 
through caring for others,
but in reality, caretaking 
quickly reduces me
to an exhausted heap.

What does energize me?
It definitely isn't superficial chatting, 
or shopping at the mall, 
or attending festive events.
It isn't making a tidy linen closet,
a lush garden, or a delectable dinner.
Even teaching a classroom of students 
quickly lost its charm as, for me,
it seemed to disintegrate
from professional challenge 
into mundane busywork. 

Looking beyond the "normal", 
deep within, I found my answer 
in my poet's heart.
Finally, I understand that 
I have not been restricted,
but instead my gifts 
are being nurtured 
in my own personal sanctuary,
my home.